Holy week reflections.

How do you describe an experience of the divine which goes beyond words — the ineffable God who reaches into the very depths of our soul? This was the conundrum that I was faced with when writing my latest book To The Ocean Floor: a second cancer journey and gateway to a profound connection with God. In 2021, after seven glorious years in remission from stage IV breast cancer, a routine mammogram revealed that the cancer had returned with vengeance. Not long after starting chemotherapy I became desperately ill with sepsis. Exhausted by the sheer effort of staying afloat, I felt myself descending into the depths of consciousness, and there in the stillness and silence, I experienced a profound encounter with God. In the silent depths, all striving ceased as I surrendered to his love and rested in his presence. And I recognised perhaps for the first time the truth of the mystery that ‘in Him, we live and move and have our being’ (Acts 17:28). As I recovered, I was left with a powerful yearning for that connection and as I sought to recapture the intensity of what I call my ‘ocean floor’ experience I discovered a contemplative practice that dates back to the very dawn of Christianity – to the Apostle Paul, Desert Fathers and Celtic Christians —which enabled me to once again go to the depths; to simply be still and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10) I realised that what my ‘ocean floor’ experience and these traditions pointed towards was the need to let go of the need to rationalise, and to simply dwell with him in wordless wonder, embracing the full mystery of God. And as learnt this lesson something incredible happened (you’ll have to read the book to find out more!) Paradoxically To The Ocean Floor is a book about an apophatic experience of God; one that defies description – a quite a challenge for a writer! But as I wrote, words tumbled out of me unbidden and organised themselves in unfamiliar patterns on the page; that prose began to meld with poetry, the form rising and falling as I described different states of consciousness. My ‘ocean floor’ experience was a great gift, which gave me hope in the face of overwhelming odds, and I am so grateful that I have survived to tell the tale. But the question of how we express the transcendent is one that any Christian who wants to talk with others about the grounds of their faith needs to think about: because faith itself defies rationalisation and the lived reality of dwelling in Christ and He in us is one that is very hard to convey. Perhaps to describe the fullness of our faith experience, perhaps we have to let go of distinctions between genres and let words find their own way. To describe the ineffable, maybe we need to engage with the abstract (in the way that visual artists such as Mark Rothko have done). And to convey the full mystery of God, perhaps we need to just have the humility to let the Spirit have His way. Kate Nicholas is a Christian author, broadcaster and speaker; her latest book To The Ocean Floor; a second cancer journey and a gateway to a profound connection with God is available at bookstores and online. Find out more about her books, TV show and events at www.katenicholas.co.uk Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash